


Through Shaded Eyes

by ChocobosTrinket (Neverforget94)



Series: World of Ruin Side Stories [4]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Other, References to Depression, Surviving, World of Ruin, self destructive behavior
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 23:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15035423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neverforget94/pseuds/ChocobosTrinket
Summary: Takes place a few months after Distorted Reflections. Loqi is trying to reach a decision on whether to stay in Lestallum, or go back to running from demons. (Aranea is worried for Loqi’s mental health, and Cor is worried the idiot might actually leave.)Loqi focused, depression implied.





	Through Shaded Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this for a while, and just wanted a Loqi centered piece. Honestly, I started building a surprising amount of headcanons in this that would be interesting to play around with in the furture. No beta. I hope you enjoy this.

He stared into the darkness, toward Ravatogh, fixating on the distant point. There was a small settlement that way, or had been. If he made his way there…

“Loqi?” A hand shook his shoulder.

He turned to face the hunter, who had a strange look in his eyes. “We’re almost finished loading the truck, and are about to head back.”

He turned his head and looked at the rest of the group, settling around the boxes and taking their seats for the ride back.

“Right. Coming.”

~

Later on back in Lestallum, Loqi stood leaning against the side of a building, arms crossed and brow furrowed. Today he’d gone and helped in the kitchens again. Gifted the young Amicitia with a bolt of cloth he’d happened across, again. Then ended up going out on an expedition for supplies with a small group of hunters again. Then returned. Again.

It scared him to think about just how far he’d settled into a routine here in Lestallum.

This was meant to be temporary. A place to heal until he could hit the road again. Curse Cor and his stubbornness, but he’d been right. Loqi knew he’d never have lasted out in the world with his ankle as badly sprained as it was. Looking back, it also scared him how final he thought that last rest in the diner was going to be. And just how okay he’d been with the idea of perishing. Finally, he could rest.

No matter.

He pushed himself off the wall and set out toward the small apartments that the hunters shared. Perhaps it was time to move on. It’d been on his mind this past month more than he’d like to admit. As the days passed, he could feel the tensions around him growing. The only other person who could be considered a Nif was Aranea, and she was more than welcome due to her past. She’d abandoned her post in the end, long before the long night set in. She’d saved people and still went out looking for survivors every chance she got.

But Loqi? He’d been loyal to the last moment, and could do no more than the next hunter ever since he lost his mech in Tenebrae.

Speaking of the hunters, though they appreciated his skills when outside of Lestallum, they were starting to look at him differently. Their faces held something in them he couldn’t decipher, and he didn’t like not knowing. Were they planning against him? Plotting an accident? It’d be easy to explain that the former Nif general had gotten himself killed on a mission with them. It happened all the time. And it would be no more than he deserved after what his homeland had done.

Better to leave before they could extract revenge, right? That’s what he told himself anyways.

“Loqi, you keep that frown on your face for too long you’ll end up with wrinkles.”

He hadn’t been aware he was frowning, but the frown deepened at the voice.

“Maybe then I’ll look my age.” He replied, stopping and turning to face Aranea. Think of the devil and all that he guessed. “Something you need?”

She caught up with him and he started walking with her. “Nothing much. Just checking in on you I guess.”

She said it nonchalantly, slowly shrugging her shoulders and keeping her eyes forward. The words rang through his memories, making him recall back to when he’d first been promoted to general at 17. She’d checked on him then too. Frequently. She didn’t have a need to before then, considering she’d trained him. But when he’d first started on his own, she looked in on him. As much as she liked to pretend that she didn’t care for people, she cared very deeply. Especially for those younger than her.

He recalled reading her file one night when he’d still been new, and saw that it mentioned a younger brother very briefly, and only in the past tense. He knew better than to bring it up. (And he would never allow him to voice how he found it touching that she did care that he’d been a kid when first facing war.)

“We’re far from the empire Aranea. You’ve no need to keep up with me.” He said, just as nonchalantly as she did. He knew it was mean of him, to dismiss her way of showing she cared so easily. “Training was a long time ago.”

What he didn’t know was that it would cause her to smack him in the back of the head. It was hard enough to smart, but not enough to cause actual harm.

“Ow.” He glanced at her with a glare, which she met with a glare of her own.

“And you know that I don’t just check on people because we shared a birthplace.” She stopped in her tracks and he did the same. “I’ve seen the looks you’ve been getting on your face. It was the same that day you lost your mech.”

He rolled his eyes, knowing what she was referring to, and sighed, “Fine. I’ve been doing well.”

“Don’t give me that.” She huffed and then started walking, faster than he could keep up thanks to her height, “I’m not the only one who’s noticed you know. Now, normally, I wouldn’t even be saying anything, because I don’t really give a crap what you do...”

Liar. He knew she cared, but he didn’t see why. There were more important things after all.

“But even the immortal is worried.”

He couldn’t keep the surprised look from his face. “What would Cor be worried about me for?”

“We all see it Fluff.” She leveled a stare at him, and waited for him to catch up with her stride.

“Don’t call me that.” He muttered, a small flush finding its way onto his cheeks. She hadn’t called him that since he’d been a recruit training under her.

“You’ve been thinking of leaving, haven’t you.” She said it as a statement, not a question.

He gave her a small shrug and continued walked toward the apartments without her. “If I am, it wouldn’t be a large loss. Might even boost moral.”

“Hey.” She easily caught up with him and grabbed his arm, stopping him from walking further. He didn’t meet her eye. “Don’t say that.”

He remained silent, but allowed a sigh. She in turn gave a frustrated growl and grabbed both his arms, turning him to face her. And he allowed it.

“I looked for you, you know.” She began. “After Tenebrae.”

He glanced up at her, trying to gage if she was telling the truth.

Tenebrae was a mess. The empire had been falling apart, and he’d been on his way back to Gralea to see if he could save his home, but was, by chance, forced to stop there. Daemons attacking civilians, the manor still burning out of spite he assumed, and Aranea in the middle of it, trying to get as many people as she could on her airship. It’d been a battle with the light dying as it was. He couldn’t leave her there, and he was proud to say he helped turn the tide. But then…

His mech blew up. Again. For the last time, because there had been no repairing it. The thought was an embarrassing one, and he couldn’t help the cringe. Aranea took that for guilt, because of what had happened after.

“When I’d saw you there, your eyes. They were as distant and as tired as they are now. You’d told me you were heading to Gralea, even though we both knew at the time that the capital was lost, and going there was a death sentence.” She lightly shook him then, trying to pull him out of his thoughts. “But then you fought and vanished, and all I could find was your armor. …I sincerely thought you’d let yourself die, or became a demon.”

Her voice was hard by the end, and barely contained the emotion she was trying to suppress. As if she was trying to hide that he’d made her morn him.

“Aranea…” He looked up at her.

Not even the astrals wanted me, was a thought that he kept to himself, and he quickly shook his head, trying to rid himself of the notion. If he let himself think like that, he’d definitely end up in a cycle of thoughts that were better left not being thought.

“You’re not leaving. And if you do, I’ll come and hunt you down and bring you back, because what you’re doing isn’t…It’s not right.” She released him then. “That’s all I wanted to say. Because today you…Well to be honest you look horrible Fluff.”

“Yeah yeah, thanks.” He muttered, and crossed his arms. “So what should I do. Because I’m clearly not welcome here. You’ve seen their stares Aranea.”

“You idiot, they’re staring because they’re worried.” She pressed her fingers to her eyes as if she was fighting off a headache. “Just…remember what I said. If you do leave, I’m hunting you down, and I’m sure Leonis will come along too considering he brought you back here the first time around.”

With that she turned and left, as if leaving him with his thoughts was a good idea. However, he didn’t blame her. She never liked talking about emotional things, and hearing that she looked for him, out of all the people in the empire, was an emotional topic. With any luck, she’d go have a few too many drinks with Biggs and Wedge, and he’d have a head start on getting lost in the darkness again.

If he left.

A huff of frustration left him and he went inside to his shared apartment. Now, he was doubting that he wanted to leave, which was new. It was forcing him to confront the fact that when he felt like this, tired, drained, exhausted, he’d left where he was for somewhere dangerous. As a 14-year-old, he’d formally joined the army. As a 16-year-old, he’d trained under Aranea on some of the most dangerous ops. He’d put his own name up for general at 17, and got it because he was driven and willing to take smart risks. In his 20s, he led his own ops at the front lines, not to mention the countless times he’d thrown himself practically on Leonis’s sword. Tenebrae. Now.

“Damn it.” He muttered under his breath, and practically flung himself on his bed. Once there, he took his pillow and placed it over his face to block out the world. When he felt like this, he left. It was just what he did. (Never mind that he usually left for dangerous situations. That was something he wasn’t ready to think about, due to what is might suggest about himself.)

But did he actually want to leave?

It was just his luck that a familiar voice suddenly cut through his thoughts.

“If you’re trying to smother yourself, I’m sure there are more efficient methods than a pillow.”

A sigh that bordered on a groan left him and he took his pillow off his head to look up at the man looming by his bedside. “Marshal.”

“Aranea seemed…disturbed. I believe her words were, you go talk some sense into that…” He paused and then considered his words before continuing. “…Well, I don’t really care to repeat what she called you.” He looked down at Loqi with a raised eyebrow, “But I do know that if she personally asked me to talk to you, it must be serious.”

With that, Cor sat on the bed opposite of Loqi’s own bed, and remained silent, as if waiting for Loqi to speak. To which, Loqi only offered his trademark glare toward him, and stared.

After a few moments of silence, Cor sighed, “So…I take it the rumors of you wanting to leave are true?”

“Rumors?” Loqi sat up, and he could feel a headache started to keep up on him, “What rumors.”

“People are wondering about you. They say after every mission you stare into the distance. It takes them longer and longer to get your attention. They’re worried that one day, you’re just going to wander off.” He paused to observe Loqi’s face, which was staring at him with wide eyed horror, “You’re not aware you’re doing it.”

No, he wasn’t. But now Aranea’s words about the hunter’s being worried made sense. Was that what was behind the looks they’d been giving him? Worry? He turned away and stared at his feet. He never used to be so transparent, he’d like to think.

“Loqi, I’m aware that you came here reluctantly, but that doesn’t change that you did come. And when you did, no one questioned it. They welcomed you.” Cor continued staring at him, and it made him feel smaller than he’d like. Cor’s eyes seemed like they could read him and everything about him with a glance, and to have him stare at you for any amount of time was disconcerting. “You are welcome here Loqi, regardless of whether you think so or not.”

He got up then, and placed his hand on Loqi’s shoulder, causing him to look up at him. “If you do decide to leave, come talk to me first. That’s all I ask.”

He squeezed once, and then left Loqi alone again. Once of Loqi’s hands reached up and rested on his shoulder where Cor had touched him. Honestly, he was being touched a lot today, at he didn’t know what to make of that. He sighed again, and laid back down, curling up to face the wall. At least Leonis had kept it short.

He closed his eyes, deciding that he wouldn’t leave. For now, he’d stay. Just to see if what Aranea and Cor said was true.

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of had a weak ending, but I'm happy with it.  
> I'm over on tumblr and will be posting a few details that didn't make it into the story. (Such as Aranea's brother was named Aron.)  
> Come yell at me. Pfft.  
> Or leave a comment. Comments make my day. :D


End file.
